Life is a big messy situation, especially for those who care too much about the opinions of others.

In this post, we are going to discuss 5 key issues cisgender heterosexual males are encountering on a daily basis.

1) the bathroom conundrum

Ok, so you must never go to the ladies’ room! Like, never!

Even if it is an emergency, your masculinity depends on the particular room you use for your physiological needs.

Also, never use a stall if you want to urinate, only a pissoir! Peeing behind closed doors is a sign of weakness. Your schlong is supposed to hang out and proud, but not too proud so that others can see it.

Looking at other men is a sign of mental disorder, so you must avoid eye contact at all costs, especially in a club toilet cue.

2) the achromatic wardrobe

Do you like yellow, orange or red? Too bad! Most of your friends despise color (because of their own opinions and not because of gender norms imposed to a brainwashed society), so you must comply to their tastes and opt for an all black (maybe grey) ensemble.

All white is a “hell no” , also all denim is a “hell no”. Actually, cut that! Anything besides a basic pair of jeans and a t-shirt is a no-no! Why would you want to stand out with anything besides your car and your muscles? Colors are so gay!

3) the earring ear

For those courageous enough to look less like a dapper gentleman and more like a dangerous rockstar, earrings are a go to! Well, actually, just one earring. A simple one. The simplest you can get!

Always in the left ear! The right lobe is designated for gays, and having both ears pierced is designed exclusively for women. Remember: “left ear buccaneer, right ear queer”.

4) expressing emotions

God made men have two distinct emotions: the serious face and the “kind of happy” face.

Anyhting besides these two core emotions is undesirable.

Crying is a sign of weakness, laughing is a sign of stupidity, frowning is a sign of depression.

5) the complex language allergy

As a cis man, you’d never be required to talk scholastically. Smart words are for nerds!

It would be advised to be slightly misogynistic or illiterate, but never academic or pompous. You will only come off as a complete douchebag! Remember point 3: cars and muscles are for impressing others.

 

Hope you found this post informative and humourful! It was meant to raise awareness on the unspoken sexist rules that limit man’s freedom of expression.

You can share it with your bros to let them know it is fine to be different! Take a break from all the stupid rules! 😀